I’d be a fool to tell you that social media has a toxic affect on you, your relationships, and your ability to access more joy, meaning, and success. Why?
I’m a marketing specialist. I just spent a year of my life learning digital marketing. I should be writing an article about how marvelous social media is so I can leverage the platforms to sell.
Social media is the new playground for marketing people everywhere. It has never been easier leverage the vast data available and then pitch advertisements to you targeted for optimum relevancy.
In fact, I’m not sure how a business can achieve success today without social media. I’m not sure mine can.
But I’m asking you to stop using it. I’m on a mission to increase people’s glow of health and wellbeing. I’ve discovered how social media affects us, and why it is toxic.
The truth is that I am personally horrified by social media. The way the vast majority of people use and engage with social media has a negative impact on mental health, the depth and strength of relationships, and your access to joy.
Social media has shine and glimmer.
In fact, social media platforms utilize the same reward system as slot machines. Swipe that smart phone screen and you could get a ‘hit’ of validation, a sense of connection, entertainment. Then again, this time you may turn away from the screen dejected.
This can happen even if you see that you have received hundreds of ‘likes’ and ‘shares’ on a post. How could this be?
Well you may have received 172 likes, but someone else may have always received more. Or perhaps you get a jolt of satisfaction from the 172 likes, but realize you haven’t gone out for coffee with any of your ‘friends’ in months.
You’ve been too busy to spend time with the people you like, let alone love.
Hey, all those hours on social media add up. The number of hours we need to work in a day have increased. Something has to give, and often, it is quality time.
Put The Phone Down
Some people are so busy ‘capturing’ moments with those they care about, that they aren’t engaging with them. Is it little wonder that talk of ‘being present in the moment’ is everywhere?
Are you ready to find out if you have an addiction to social media? Get ready to be honest and answer the following questions:
Is it possible for you to go to a party with friends and family and not take pictures?
Can you repress the urge to check social media for two weeks?
Can you meet a friend and keep your phone in your pocket or purse the entire time?
Will it be possible for you to take a two-week holiday from social media?
How Social Media Affects Us
Have you ever spent time on social media and left the screen feeling more depressed about your own life? Do feelings of jealousy, or envy creep up your spine at the photos shared on your home scroll?
You aren’t alone.
Researchers have conducted numerous studies on the affects of social media. They all reveal that time on social media results in negative emotions such as depression, sadness, loneliness, and jealousy.
So why do we still continue to log-in to Instagram, or scroll through our Facebook feed, if we come away feeling worse?
The answer is because sometimes we get a hit of good emotions by jumping onto the social media wave. It’s hit or miss. Actually, it is like a roll of the dice.
You can’t win for loosing on social media. You can be honest and authentic. Your car was totaled. You hate your boss. You have been fighting with your neighbors. You are going through a terrible divorce.
The problem is that people don’t want to go onto social media and experience negative emotions. It is quite different then if you had run into that person shopping. Why is this?
Say you run into your friend Bob, whom you haven’t seen in forever. Bob tells you about the awful mess that is currently his life. Most likely you will sympathize, provide support, and confess some area of your life that isn’t picture perfect, either.
In person, you might tell them about that time you got fired from your first job at a hot dog stand. Or recount a story about a friend who got fired and then found the job of her dreams.
I mean, when was the last time someone told you about a problem in their life and you answered. “Aw, too bad you got fired Bob. My life is like out of a movie right now! Take a look at this photo of the fabulous time I had at a party on a yacht last weekend.”
Yeah, I’m guessing you wouldn’t act like that in person. Yet it is what happens on social media all the time. Social media is not a personal, one on one conversation. It is one to many. The point is, in person your feedback to Bob would be relevant and empathetic. You probably wouldn’t even mention the yacht.
But it happens all the time on social media.
Not to mention that most people are clever. They understand that they are creating an image online. Is it any wonder that they don’t want to tarnish their carefully crafted personal brand with anything that casts a shadow?
Hold on, you might be saying about now. Hey, I’ve seen people post about losing their job, grandmother, being diagnosed with cancer. There was a massive outpouring of kindness on social media.
I’ve seen that too. I’ve experienced it as well.
Do you want to know what the problem with this is though? Do they drop by meals? Do they send a gift? Flowers? Do those same people who post a supportive comment on Facebook & Co also sit down to write a letter? Do they pick up the phone and call to show their support?
It is easy, I dare to say, too easy, to write a quick comment. Swipe, read, click, click, click, done. Hey, I’ve done it. There is a warm feeling of having given support. But is it the support that heals and helps?
If you gave up social media, would you have more time to offer tangible support to the people in your life? Would this result in deeper, more meaningful relationships?
The decision is yours.
How Social Media Affects Teens
Most teens go through an identity crisis. They try on different beliefs, values, attitudes, styles, approaches, and images. Now teens can leverage social media to ‘test’ their personality.
But should our teens select their personality based on the number of ‘likes’ they receive?
I am convinced that social media is damaging the mental health of our teens. It is inhibiting their capacity for building deep relationships. It is forcing them into never being able to unwind, escape bullies, or escape from the world once they close the door to their rooms.
The addictive effects of social media hit teens even harder then they hit us. Most teens are hungry for approval from their peers. It is dangerously intoxicating to receive validation at the swipe of a smart phone screen.
I a worst case scenario, the validation from social could be encourage behavior that is physically, mentally, or socially dangerous.
Yet is it even possible to take social media away from teenagers?
I want so much to answer yes. This isn’t realistic. If you are a parent of a teen, then you need a tool, a method, a tip to help you. Just forbidding social media platforms isn’t realistic.
So what are other options?
I recommend the following tips for teens and social media: Channel their time and energy into developing skills and knowledge that will build a depth of character, deepen relationships, and prepare them for their future.
You can insist that your teenage can only re-enter the world of social media once they have built their own website, chosen a theme, and written one article, created one video, or produced one podcast to post to their blog.
Learning how to setup and build their own website and a blog will develop skills that your teenagers can leverage later in their professional careers.
You can then require your teen to showcase it to you before they can re-enter the social media world.
Insist that your child choose a theme or topic for their website and articles. This can be on a personal mission they have, or on an interest, such as cooking, coding, music, ballet, soccer, or any other hobby.
Tell them that in order to continue on social media, for every ‘personal’ post, there needs to be one ‘theme’ or ‘topic’ post from their website blog. 50% topic / 50% personal.
This will shift their focus from who they are and what they are doing onto what they are interested in and how they can provide value for their audience. Mentally and socially, the focus will turn from what they look like, who they were with last weekend, or what event they were at, to developing their skills as they showcase their interest or knowledge or both via social.
How Social Media Affects Relationships
I don’t need to tell you that social media strengthens weak relationships, but doesn’t deepen friendships and relationships with friends. After all, once I see your post about your party last weekend, I may not call to ask you about your weekend.
Why call and ask about your weekend if I already see the details on Instagram?
Then again, even if I do call, I may not ask you about your party on the telephone. Which means I may never uncover the truth that everyone had a great time at the party. But someone snuck into your room and stole your diamond pendant necklace some point in the night.
Social media encourages superficial relationships. It steals authenticity and honesty from strong friendships and relationships.
Why Social Media is Good
Social media isn’t all bad. Social media is a brilliant way of increasing the size of your network. The larger your network, the higher the potential for you to find your way into a new job you love, a new business you have dreamed of building, or a way to make a positive social or political impact.
The key is on how we choose to engage with social media.
Social media is a tool. It is up to us to decide how we should use it to best serve our interests, provide value, and improve all our relationships. It is not easy to break with convention.
So I’m asking you: are you rebel? Can you stand out from the crow? Can you inspire change?
I’m on a mission to improve the wellbeing of people everywhere. One aspect of wellbeing is social relationships. Another is stress, our internal landscape, and a sense of hope.
Positive change is possible.
So here are some tips you can incorporate into your life to use social media, instead of just letting Facebook USE YOU to sell more advertisements.
Choose your own personal mission or beloved hobby. Ensure 50% of the posts you make to social are on your personal mission or beloved hobby. Make a call out for how people can connect with you. “Send me your favorite fish taco reciepe ☺” or “Tell me your favorite mystery novel.” Or “Where is your favorite place to ski and why?”
Make 25% of posts to social about beautiful or kind things people have done for others or you have done in your day. You can even title all posts of this sort with the same tag, like “Kindnessmagic”.
There is far too little reports on the small kindnesses in the world. Also, by posting about kindnesses, you will be starting a positive wave of behavior. Psychologists have discovered that when someone similar to you models as an action, you are much more likely to follow their lead.
25% of your posts can be about what is going on in your life. However, that 25% could also be a short summary of your favorite article or book of the week. By creating a short summary, you are providing value. There is an ocean of information out there. Be a curator of interesting information and you will win loyal fans. Not to mention, that even if someone doesn’t find the article interesting, they will likely be intrigued to see what YOU find interesting, and why.
I know you can win back more positive emotions, depth to your relationships, and meaning from the time you invest in social media platforms.
You don’t know when your “breath will become air.” So I hope you can discover how best to leverage digital to serve your health, relationships, success, and fun.